I'm really really done with a lot of things right now. I know that my last post was about being positive but I am really to the point that tears are inevitable every time I even think about doing productive things.
To start, if you don't want to hear me rant, STOP READING. I am probably going to say something that offends someone and then hurt people's feelings. But I really need to write and scream into my computer to feel better about myself.
1. I AM NOT A PIANO GENIUS. I am SO beyond SICK of the people in my ward assuming that I can learn any piece of music in a short amount of time. Along with being the ward pianist, I apparently am also the choir pianist, the relief society pianist and the special musical number pianist. I don't EVER get to sing. ISNT THAT MY MAJOR!?! Singing????? I just really am beyond frustrated. I did not accept this calling to be stuck behind a piano all the time. It really isn't what I even came to school to do. If I wanted to do that, I would have signed up for that major and not one for my vocal chords. I spent two hours yesterday and an hour and a half today solely working on piano stuff. Granted, today was mostly devoted to my class that I am trying to test out of in a couple of weeks but I still feel like I can't really even focus on that because I have to focus on my calling at church. It doesn't help that everyone just assumes I am really an outstanding player and I can play anything in front of me. Im working on that slowly. But I can't just jump right into that. I barely have the skill to play the hymns for sunday let alone accompianment. Last night was rough realizing how far behind I am and feeling very very unskilled. I just wish that there was an easier way to gain flawless fingers and skills.
2. I AM WORKING HARD. Don't you DARE tell me I'm not. I am working my butt off trying to stay in the game. People are always commenting on how easy it must be to be a music major when in reality its one of the toughest majors out there. If I see one more person give me the funny look when I say I haven't been sleeping because I am studying music, I WILL THROW A FIT. #sorrynotsorry
3. I REALLY REALLY DONT GET THE BREATHE FROM YOUR DIAPHRAGM THING EVERYONE HERE IS RAVING ABOUT. Im sorry. My body just has a tough time figuring this out. Its probably from my lack of good posture but I truly have the toughest time with this concept. I stand in front of the mirror trying to figure it out and I just end up feeling very upset and frustrated.
4. STOP TELLING ME I HAVE A SPOT ON MY FACE. ITS A ZIT; I KNOW AND I REALLY CANT DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I AM STRESSED. And I eat too much chocolate... But I REALLY NEED the chocolate. It tends to calm me down just a little bit.
5. I HATE FROZEN. I really dislike this stupid movie. I don't care how cute it was. Find a different song to sing because my ears are bleeding from listening to you sing it.
Im sorry. I really truly will be... Tomorrow. But I am so tired and frustrated I just needed to get this all off my chest.
Dont strain your vocal chords.
Courtney Griggs
Love you Courtney. It isn't breaking a commandment to say no to a church calling. Maybe they think because you are a music major it just is easy and they might think you like it. If it is beyond stressful and you are unhappy, ask to be released. I'm glad you can vent by writing. Remember the mantra "we can do hard things." (another one a friend and I laughed about is "life is hard. . .and then you die--I don't know why we thought this was so funny but when we said it we looked at each other and burst out laughing, hysterically.
ReplyDelete